Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
