i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
