im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize