Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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