girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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