Swine flu. Run for my life!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
