Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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