a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
did i walk over a car last night?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
