I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
