Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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