Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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