need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
