Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
