first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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