If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize