She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my shit smells like andre
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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