So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize