I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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