After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
