Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
