Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
did i just pee glitter
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize