He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize