I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
