At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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