The maid of honor just puked.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
