In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
