In the future we'll all be gay
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We are all done wearing pants today
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
