if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
