I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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