i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize