once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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