Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
