dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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