she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
