Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
