How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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