allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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