I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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