She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
