Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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