If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
