I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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