I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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