I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
