"it" just moved
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
