So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
