I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
