Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
