Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
