if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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