I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
