and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
