I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
