I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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