ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's always time for handjobs
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
