just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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