shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
