Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Even my vagina gasped.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
