Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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