i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
