New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
