I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
