Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
