uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
its not stalking. its research.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
