Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
