ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
