it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They are going to name an STD after you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize